So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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