Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I believe in your delicious
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
