Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
