Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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