I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
