I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
