What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
