Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
