WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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