no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
