Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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