Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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