Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
