I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize