I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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