fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
