In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
