Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
