ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
