Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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