There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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