You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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