guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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