Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
