Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
