her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
