We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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