The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
