I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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