he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
