Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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