Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
