My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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