Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
