you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize