Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sext me about skeletons
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
