Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
