Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
