dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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