She said her name was "party"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Found the puke drawer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
