How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
