Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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