i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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