the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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