And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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