she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
