that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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