I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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