Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
