And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
