I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
