there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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