My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
