you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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