i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
