Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
