Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
