you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
