I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
