No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
